Advertising Archive

And from now on you’re all named Bender Jr.

I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems … Read more

Silicon Valley is fed up with slow Internet speeds

Burn her anyway! Well, we did do the nose. And this isn’t my nose. This is a false one. Am I right? I am your king. No, no, no! Yes, yes. A bit. But she’s got a wart. …Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? How do you know she is … Read more

The Day The Earth Stood Stupid

Fry! Stay back! He’s too powerful! I’ve been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? I love you, buddy! The Deep South Good man. Nixon’s pro-war and pro-family. Say it in Russian! You lived before you met me?! Ooh, … Read more

Obama security agent ‘found drunk’

There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor. Army had half a day. That’s why you always leave a note! Exit Strategy There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. First place chick is … Read more